Since nobody is working anymore, apparently, I’ve been thinking about some ways, actual ways, people can still make money in 2025 without having a job. Because let’s face it, your day job is shit. And if you don’t have one, your bills staying unpaid are just… okay?! So without further to do, sit back, relax, and enjoy one (or many) of these revolutionary, 10 ways to make money for good, in 2025, without ever having to attend an online or in-person office horror meeting.
In this guide:
1. OnlyFans
The good news is, you don’t even have to be pretty. People are into all kinds of crazy stuff out there. All kinds! You can even go faceless, or just show your feet! I have no idea how feet are supposed to be sexy, or arousing, but if there’s a public for it, and the law lets you do it… WHY THE HECK NOT?! At least two of my exes have their own OnlyFans, and they are both thriving. Me? I’m writing articles for Arabic clients for peanuts, in English, and they can’t speak English…
2. Gambling/Sportsbetting
We all have that car we can’t afford to put gas into anymore, or change its oil, or pay for that thing they call “obligatory insurance”. Sell it. Put the money into a slot machine. Or bet on your favourite Formula 1 driver in the next race. Worst case scenario, you lose your old Opel Astra H and help the environment, plus, no more money wasted on gas. Best case? You make some money and can afford gas, although you have no car now, wait…
3. Rich Friend With Benefits
Find yourself a rich girl or guy, and make it unofficial with them. Heck, as nobody is having sex anymore, because #anxiety (how on Earth are we still living on this planet?!) you’re getting a Netflix buddy who’s also driving a Lamborghini, luckily? And since relationships are so superficial nowadays, starting over breakfast and ending over dinner, maybe this is the best line of dates you’ll ever go on, you and Matilda. Make sure you stay away from live concerts and you should be fine.
4. Three-Card Monte
I’ve been doing magic since I was 8. I’ve been learning all the tricks in the book, and in many books, watched all shows, bought all playing cards and DVDs and even flew to London to see David Blaine and Penn&Teller. It’s time all this training paid off! If you can’t do the three-card monte trick, I’m here for you. I’ll teach it to you, and then you can play it for cash to stupid tourists visiting your city. Don’t worry, they’ll fall for it. They always do… Always.
5. Netflix Projections
Get your old projector from the attic and put it to good use. Show one movie per night to neighbours who are poorer than you. So poor they can’t afford ad-free Netflix but can afford ice-cream. Charge a dollar per screening. Here’s the catch: Charge $3 per ice cream cone, $5 per soda can, $7 per large popcorn (microwave it on the spot, premium quality!) and $10 per combo menu. Have one or two people enjoy some goodies for free before the show. Most of the rest will then naturally buy.
You can’t find these invaluables in expensive courses, people!
6. Sue Thy Neighbour
I’m sure you’ve got that neighbour whom you really cannot stand. And he’s burning stuff in the backyard, for example, all day long. Photographic evidence? Check. Video, even? Check. Lawyer who’s into eco stuff? There’s one on every damn corner! You can’t even throw away a paper straw; it won’t even hit the ground, and you’re in jail. Long story short, sue him for the environmental concerns and ask for money not just for you but for the planet. Give 80% to “planet charity” and pocket the 20% for “toxic waste protection”. Ahem…
7. Get A Divorce
Oliver has been away from home for far too long. You know a business trip can’t last for 4 weeks. If it’s longer than 2-3 days, start streaming Coldplay concerts because you might see him on the kiss cam with Rachel from HR. Nevertheless, divorces are a great way to make big money. Especially if you were smart enough to marry for the rich. If he/she is poorer than you, divorces still work! You get a chance to find your rich better half and finally be able to live the coupon-free life you deserve. No more Lidl app swipes to show people you’re poor at the check-out counter. Heck, play your cards right, you don’t even have to go to a Lidl EVER again.
8. CCP
Listen, all great businesses are solving problems. But most of them created these problems in the first place. People still went shopping before Amazon, right? And then Amazon was like, “What if we make you lazy and do the groceries for you, huh?!” And then you said “… hell yeah, I wanna get fat while watching the TV and someone else buys stuff for me!” CCP has nothing to do with China, but stands for “Create Creative Problems”. And so, create a problem and then offer the solution as a product/service. Breaking someone’s window and then offering both cleaning services, window replacement handiwork, and surveillance cameras (they should have no previous camera systems installed, you know, before the… inconvenience) come to mind. Just a thought, you may be smarter.
9. Ask For Money
It’s not an MLM scheme if you don’t promise them anything, right? My uncle, he’s still waiting for that $400 he gave me to go see the Formula 1 race in Hungary, but you know what? I NEVER said I’ll actually give it back to him. In fact, I even invited him to come with but he was busy that weekend. Saved him $400 on the spot, man. Anyways, it’s incredible how easily people cave in if 1. You don’t ask for ridiculous sums; usually, anything under $1000 is fine, and 2. You clearly state you don’t know if/when you will pay them back. Oh, and have a good, emotional reason for it. Like the Formula 1 dream race (uncle got me into F1 when I was 5, this is our LEGACY bro) or whatever floats your boat.
10. Work
I’m sorry, I needed 10 ways and only got to 9 while taking my shower just now. Work? Hah! Who the heck even works anymore in 2025? Don’t tell me you do? You do?! What are you, an idiot? Who’s going to fill up the local coffee shop at 11:15 every workday if you’re at the office? Stop this nonsense. Join the freedom side. Money is just a means. Freedom is the answer!
P.S.: While this has been a lot of fun to write, I do have to legally let you know that this is a pamphlet, and should be treated accordingly. I’ve been away from this blog a long time, and this is surely an engaging, ridiculous (I hope!) comeback.
With that being said, you can find me on OnlyFans @giantpen!sdisorder and check my Instagram @3cardmontemaster for your 50% magic lesson that will change your life.
Or if you’re looking for some creative written content like the one above (even on a more serious note) shoot me an email and I’ll sort things out for you.
